Dear Auburn big wigs
This is a very important time for Auburn University and I would like to help wrap up this little job opening on the football squad. It seems like everyone has a guy that is a perfect fit and will take Auburn to consistent national championships. The truth is that none of these P.E. majors will ever get the job done. I have constructed a secret DNA mixing machine in my garage out of an old washing machine, a CB radio, a magic jack and several zip ties. This machine will take samples from each coach listed in the post below and mold the perfect man for the job. Please contact me so I can begin my experiment.
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