Back from the dead? It's posting time

Lets start out slow because I am bursting with built up posts.

Why do convenience store clerks think they are funny? You spend 8 hours jockeying a cash register and apparently the only thing that takes your mind off the enormous failures in your life, and a bad Master Cuts trim job, is finalizing a sale with a little fill-em-up humor. What I really find interesting is that no matter the color of your stained and stretched out company polo the jokes are universal. Is there a manual you get at corporate training week. "So lets see class, today we are going to start the morning off with authorizing pump 3 for a cash fill up....move right into proper cleaning of the wiener roller and just before break.....closing the sale with a friendly have a good-un."

There must be a bar that offers pump jockey appreciation night and they all get together to share stories of who has the weirdest bathroom key security device. While sharing a can of ass-deodorant they obviously try out their latest comedy routines. So just in case you zone out when picking up that Goody powder 2 pack and a 25 cent swiss roll, here are the worst of the worst common gas jockey sayings:

1. "Have a good one" (or good UN, if you are south of Huntsville Alabama). This is the universal transaction close.

2. Your bill comes to $4.21 and you get the classic "Four hundred and twenty one pennies". It's just not funny anymore! How about just getting my change right you &^%$#$er.

3. "You need a bag for that" ....Yea this 16 ounce Pepsi just feels naked when I take it outside uncovered.

4. You: "Give me 5 on pump 3"......Jockey: looks out at pump 3. is he checking to make sure I am not on a horse or just to make sure I'm in the right car? What really pisses me off is when they check to make sure you know what car your driving...."In the blue truck"....No dumb ass in the other car parked at pump 3.

5. "Debit or credit?"...assume anything under $2.00 is a debit.

6. "Slide your card again"...$%$#@

And just to leave you with a true conversation from the BP at Cottage Hill and Hillcrest....Lady is on the cell phone and asks me "Don't you just hate it when you aint hearin from yo family members until they call you from Metro(the jail)".

Until next time......FILL THE DAMN WINDOW WASHER CLEANER THINGY WITH WATER!